Hello Friends,
The last two weeks shared insights and tools to handle conflict more effectively. I’m not delusional and think that those tools automatically make those moments easy or necessarily stress free, but my experience has shown that it changes the experience (bit by bit) into something better than the previous one. That is, until my ineffective habits creep back in, but with awareness comes action and I try again. And again.
This week’s message will give an insight and a simple tool for trying again. As humans, there will forever be opportunities to try again.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we always handled not only BIG CONFLICT moments, but also small passing moments right the first time. Unfortunately, we haven’t figured out a foolproof way to get it right every time we encounter a difficult situation.
Throughout human history, the method most commonly used for getting things right is by first doing what’s wrong. Being the best version of ourselves doesn’t mean we get it right the first time. It means we are committed to making things better after making things worse. Effective folks do this by practicing Instant Replay.
Recall a time when you said something you wished you hadn’t said and wanted to “catch” those words before another person heard them. Unfortunately, we aren’t quick enough to “catch” spoken words, but we can be wise enough to ask for an Instant Replay. Whenever we are having an unsatisfactory experience with another person, we can do an Instant Replay to make it better.
How Instant Replays Work:
When you have snapped at a family member, were assumptive and lashed out at a colleague, interrupted someone because you had a need to be right, or didn’t give someone the time they needed to form a thought and share it with you, you have created a situation where your behavior and interactions leave someone hurt, angry, unsettled, or any other number of less than favorable emotions. This creates the potential of lingering damage to your relationship.
An Instant Replay is simply trying the conversation again. It’s a “do over.” We own the fact that we said or did something that we wish we hadn’t said or done and ask if we can try it again. If we are interacting with someone who isn’t familiar with the term “Instant Replay,” we can ask for a second chance in other ways:
- “I’d like what’s happening between us to be better. Can we start over?”
- “This hasn’t gone the way I’d like it to. Do you think it might go better if we try that again?”
- “Our discussion yesterday left me dissatisfied. I’d like to make it better. Can we run through that again?”
Sometimes we can do an Instant Replay immediately after the initial interaction. At other times, we may want to do it after some time has passed. Instant Replay not only creates a chance to make things better, it also sets the stage for a new norm between those involved.
Instant Replays work because new information is available.
We approach the Instant Replay with a broader sense of the big picture than we previously had.
We see more completely. We have a new Frame.
When we are the best versions of ourselves, life is about getting better, which is at the core of Instant Replay. Saying, “Let’s do that again,” “Do over,” “Try again,” or using any other language to get the idea across gives those involved a chance to make it better.
Reflection and Action:
1. Recall a time when you regretted saying or doing something. How could you have practiced an Instant Replay in that situation?
2. What might be a barrier for you to ask another person to do an Instant Replay?
All the best to you and yours from our Top 20 team,…Tom, Willow, and Kevin
Kevin Brennan
Director, Top 20 Training
651-373-0297
kevin@top20training.com
